Blame it on the Christians

I have been thinking a lot today, about the talks I’ve had on Christmas eve with the atheist and the confused Christian. And also, the things that I wrote to them about. I’m afraid, it’s not productive for me (and, for anyone else, for that matter) to bring up a topic like this. Sometimes, the subject can painfully go around in circles. If there is no resolution to a discussion, I think, it’s worthless to even start.
But, I do have a thought that I would like to bring up; at least, this one time. And, I promise to revert back to my silly self, after this post. I seem to like me more that way, anyway . Less chances of getting a heart attack, I guess. 🙂

The one I didn’t speak of on my previous post was the churchgoer. I did say “churchgoers” on there, didn’t I? I apologize. I meant, I spoke with one person only, even though there were a few others, who were simply eavesdropping.

There’s really not much to say about this guy, though; except that when speaking of “the lost,” his overt religiosity seems to rear its ugly head out of nowhere. I won’t go into details. But, it sure made me think of how, sometimes, we as Christians, can be ineffective or even detrimental at times, in our purpose, due to the amount of knowledge we have about our faith. Sometimes, the best situation is to know little, and simply have a child-like sincerity. I used to go by the saying, sincerity does not equal truth. This may not be as accurate as I thought it was, now; but, speaking from experience, it does help to lead you there, somehow.

neighborsI hate Bible bashing. I really do. And, you can easily do it without even realizing it. I want to share my faith. I do believe it’s my responsibility. And my joy, as a Christian. But I believe also, that there is a way to do it, without making truth seekers feel like they’re being seen as somewhat, incomplete or terrible. They’re not. This is a very sensitive matter, indeed. That is why I’d rather not be a “teacher.” I believe, teachers have an enormous responsibility. The biggest one of which is, to be above reproach, I think. And, this cannot be taken with a grain of salt. I would rather be the lifelong student who stumbles frequently, but shuts his mouth and absorbs everything he’s fed with. I don’t mind. I have a tough system and can digest pretty much anything. I simply vomit whatever makes me sick. 🙂

The point I’m trying to make here is that, Christians are often the ones who set hurdles for those who could barely take a step. This is unfortunate. A lot of times, we get way ahead of ourselves, to our shame. We feed tough meat to those who could only chew soft vegetables at the moment. We attempt to teach Calculus to first graders. I am just as guilty as the next guy. Sometimes, the way to see your own shortcomings is to experience them in other people first. Sad but true.

I’m learning that if there’s a single lesson worth teaching about, it’s our own example. Our successes and failures (as my friend, Mike, has pointed out). And if there’s anything we can freely and proudly show off, it should be our ability to relate to those not in the know. I believe that teaching from the pulpit is not nearly as effective as teaching from the pew. The back pew, in fact. We can’t even expect to meet people halfway. I think, it’s just as unfair. We have to go wherever they are and meet them there. Start at their level and be sensitive. I believe, this act of vulnerability and humility is how we show that we truly care. Because human beings need relationships more than they need anything else in this life. And, that’s a truth no one can deny.

I’m sorry, I can’t write anymore. This is killing me.

God, Jesus and all things confusing

First of all, Merry White Christmas. It is Christmas Day, after all. At least, in my house, it is. I hope, everyone is cozy and having a good time.

Alright. Yesterday, I had an interesting dialogue with some churchgoers, a confused Christian (an oxymoron, perhaps?), and an atheist. Each, on different occasions. Hectic day, can you tell, already? Now, I’m not particularly given to discussing religious topics, AT ALL. This is so, not because I think it’s worthless. But, it simply pains me to think that I’m shoving my beliefs down people’s throats, that’s all. Hopefully, this is not the case, here. But, we’ll see…

I’m very different, in a lot of ways. Mostly, in a spiritual sense. To sum up my whole outlook in life, this is what I say: There is no proof. There is no answer. There is only faith. Because, my faith allows me to leave questions unanswered and still have peace in my heart. It allows me to see nothing tangible, and yet, see everything I need to see. It allows me to walk in the fire, and still come out, unscathed. Try these, at your own risk.

Now, I’m not saying, be stupid and get burned. We are humans, therefore we will fall, at some point. But, we can be helped back up, if only we ask humbly. Although, if you think, you can help yourself, just fine… right on, then. Just don’t come up and ask me any questions. I will neither debate nor discuss theological issues with anyone! This is an utter waste of time, I think.

However, since I’m being asked for my two cents, by a few folks, I will speak once. But, no more. So, buckle up.

I am a Christian (although, feel free to call me whatever you wish, after reading this post). And, I “believe” like you would not dare believe. I’ve always told people that I have a religion and I’m not afraid of it. But, I don’t practice religiosity. Though, for the sake of those wondering, yes, Jesus is Lord. And, I say that with utmost pride! In my walk with God, I have learned not to judge, or alienate people. Whether in person, or, in my heart. I have learned to accept anyone and everyone, for who and what they are. I am no different. Let alone, better. Oh yeah, I am also a musician who plays both “Christian” and “Satanic” music, back to back (notice the quotes?). Didn’t I say before, I love eerie music? Oh yeah. Love them, drop tunings. 🙂

So, does anyone feel like closing the browser, yet? If so, see ya. Thanks, for stopping by. 🙂

Confusion is so not Christian. Or, is it, too?

By the way, if you’re still with me, I hope I have not derailed your train of thoughts yet, by what I have said, so far. If I have, I am sorry, but this is not the place for me to explain. Nor am I inclined to do so, at any time. So, feel free to let your imagination run wild.

With that said, I digress.

Going back to my (separate) conversations with the confused Christian and the atheist, I can’t tell you how tiring it is to have to explain things. In fact, I have learned one lesson from those conversations. NEVER EXPLAIN ANYTHING. Simply share your own experience, I thought. Each one of us needs to go on a separate journey all on our own. I believe that we, as spiritual beings, need to find our answers, individually; and not rely solely, on other people’s point of view. Yes, that includes our own family’s, as well. As harsh as it may sound. We need to create and view our own perspective. My own belief tells me that, if we ask for something, we should receive it. If we’re not getting it, it’s because we’re not supposed to. Maybe, not yet. Maybe, never. So, let’s smile, and be patient. More importantly, let’s be content, regardless of the outcome. Never expect anything.  If something good comes our way, let’s be grateful, for we don’t deserve it. Maybe, we think, we do. But, we don’t. Life is unfair. Hey, lucky for us. If it was, we’d all be dead and rotting in Hell by now. And that’s the jagged little truth pill, that’s hard to swallow. I know.

All I’m saying is, we should exercise vulnerability and humility. This is all the power we have on this earth. And they are pretty powerful, indeed, if put to good use. I chose to believe in God. Heck, I even chose to believe that today is, in fact, Jesus’ birthday! 🙂 I’m not arguing about the date’s validity, either. But, what difference does it make? If I decide to celebrate my birthday three months after the actual date, what do you care? Anyhow, tangent off.

I really hate sounding philosophical, and so, I’m trying to be a little casual about my approach. But hear this, CC (confused Christian)… be urgent, but find your own answers. Ask, but don’t expect proof. You will be given none. If you’re pointing out that Buddhism makes more sense to you, then, quit whining and convert, already! But, don’t spew out your cerebral garbage on proof and logic, while at the same time, admitting you’re confused. You are just biting the hand that’s trying to feed you. If you don’t like the food, leave. But, make a decision and stick with it.

I’m sorry for getting a little uptight. I didn’t mean to. But, you’re talking to me, and asking me for answers, that could possibly keep you, in your comfort zone. I have none. So, either take my advise, or move on.

And, here’s to the atheist… I would not be commenting, if you didn’t ask me to. I’d rather not, in fact. But, I’ll say this once, and never again. Belief in God is like an association with the Mafia (relax, it’s just an analogy). If you had believed in the past, and had become a member of the family, there is no turning back. You may lose your faith today, or change your mind and articulate your rebuttal until you’re blue in the face; but the fact is, you have experienced the truth, at some point, and regardless of whether or not you’re still hanging on to it, you’re now guilty of knowing too much. And you are not safe on your own, from hereon out. And, even if you have not ever believed, having called yourself an atheist only establishes further grounds that your beliefs are, in fact, the result of a direct competition with the idea of a possible existence of God. You are still guilty, at this point, because you know that there is a God; only you believe it to be a mere concept, which you opted to reject. The Bible says, there is no excuse. You simply open your eyes, and you will see God. In everything. I chose to believe what it says. So, when you’re dead, do not say to God, you didn’t see him. Besides being a very bad idea, the fact is, you actually did. You simply covered your eyes with human logic and reasoning. There is a God, or atheism would not have existed, in the first place.

I looked in the dictionary and found out that the Greek word for atheist is atheos, meaning, a Godless person, or, a person without a God. This does not mean, there is no God. Only, atheists prefer to not have one, or believe in one, rather. But there is, indeed, a God. Whether one believes it or not. Enough said.

Sometime last week, I read a post about the topic of living a spiritual life as opposed to a religious one. By the way, it dawned on me that many still do not understand the difference between the two. But, this is a thought for another time. Anyhow, so, the post made me think about how children are normally raised in this world. And, how their upbringing affects the establishment of society, hence the entire world. This was my comment to that post…

I believe that when you are left to seek the truth for yourself, as opposed to being spoon-fed with someone else’s version of it, you will indeed find it, somehow. This is the ultimate satisfaction. To wonder; then to set out on a journey; and then, to eventually find what you’re looking for.

However, parents are naturally inclined to raise their kids the way they believe they’re supposed to be raised. It’s only natural; yet selfish and stifling. Unless spiritual freedom is allowed to reign in the upbringing of children, they will almost certainly grow up needing to break away and explore knowledge for themselves eventually.

Gaining knowledge can be full of pain, though. However, pain is where the truth lies.

Before I expound on this, I would like to quickly add, that the entire Universe is within God’s domain. That big ol’ speck of dust is sitting pretty, right on the palm of his hand. And if you think, you’re in it, I believe, you ain’t going nowhere, fast. No matter what you think, or do.

But, that’s just me. 🙂

Anyhow, I was brought up Catholic. Now, I don’t have anything negative to say about it. My entire family is Catholic. I would still go to mass and do all things Catholic when I’m with them. It’s called respect. But somewhere down the line, I have experienced the vastness of knowledge available in the spiritual world; and what it might possibly offer me, besides what I already have. I’m not saying, I wasn’t happy with being a Catholic, I just wanted to explore further. To learn more. To discover new things. And, to prove myself wrong, even. I didn’t want to simply rely on what was passed on to me, growing up. I wanted to expand my horizon; and earn my own beliefs. And, to be able to accept things, without having to understand them. And I did. I went through the journey. It was long and painful, but I got there. I know, I did. Though, I made mistakes. I was foolish, at times. I stumbled. I fell. And, I hurt people, along the way. But, I made it through, eventually. I found home. My home.

We have heard the saying “Home is where the heart is.” I say, “Heart is where the home is.” I can’t tell you where your home is at. Though, I’d like it to be the same one, as mine. In fact, I am begging you to come home, with me. It is beautiful, here. And, safe. But, ultimately, we all have to make our own decisions. Our own individual hearts will tell us, where we want to end our seemingly endless journey. Where we want to find our peace. And, who we want to surrender our confusions to.

And then, really live.

Where death is life

Nothing feels better to me than sitting on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate while looking out the window watching as the snow falls to the ground. This is the life! This is one of those extraordinary moments I look up to the foggy white skies and stare. And know that God is staring back at me. I think we both love the snow. I can just tell.

It’s a wonderful feeling.

At this time, I turn off the TV and listen to some shuffled music while surfing on the web. Soon, one of my songs starts to play. A very old song from around ten years ago. This, suddenly has aroused my memories of the first time I had experienced getting high on God. I treasure those times because they were very poignant and sincere. Very child-like.

Not that it isn’t that way anymore, however. But back then, I was constantly writing songs about being in awe of all the elements of my faith. And how it truly transformed my life into a very meaningful and purposeful one. And also, how it gave me the strength to walk the seemingly endless desert I’ve been dwelling in these past few years.

It’s amazing to me though, that I thought of snow the day I wrote this song. Like I imagined it being sung up in the clouds. After all, this song speaks of heaven. Now it really blends well listening to it on a snowy, wintry day. It just blows my mind that I wrote this song in the heat of summer in Los Angeles back in 1997. Maybe, that’s why I’m not there anymore. I don’t know.

Anyhow, I feel grateful. This song is a wall to lean on to right now. It’s where water turns to wine. It’s where tears turn into laughter. It’s where death turns into life… tonight tomorrow and forever.

Share in my joy, will you?

Tonight Tomorrow and Forerver

Into the deepest part of me
You dive into my conscience
You knit the fabric of my soul
My heart turns into clay
Though you smash it into pieces
When it gets too hard to shape
You tear my world apart
And bring me to a brand new place

Where death is life
Where laughter is the tears I cried
Where pain brings comfort tonight

I’m standing underneath the moonlight
Gazing up into your house
I try to reach out my hands to touch you
Just wanting to feel your warmth
When I get so lost inside my own little thoughts
You reach out your hands and grab me
I close my eyes but there’s no darkness
Your light shines bright, I can see my way back home

Where death is life
Where laughter is the tears I cried
Where pain brings comfort tonight

Tonight, tomorrow and forever
Tomorrow and forever
Tonight, tomorrow  and forever
Yeah, I wanna be with you

Where death is life
Where laughter is the tears I cried
Where pain brings comfort tonight

Yeah, I wanna be with you

Where death is life
Where laughter is the tears I cried
Where pain brings comfort tonight

Tonight, tomorrow and forever

Can’t always get what you want

I woke up with a headache just a few minutes ago. Not a good way to start your Thanksgiving day, I’m afraid. So I step outside on the porch to ease it a bit by breathing some fresh air. Brrrr. The cold bites. And the snow from yesterday is still on the ground and atop the cars in the street. Checking the weather channel, local forecast says it’s 2 degrees right this moment. Awesome.

Coming back inside was nice and warm. But not as warm as Thanksgiving days usually are. You know, the kitchen normally starts to generate heat from all the preparation and cooking.  And the smell. Hmmm…

There won’t be any cooking in my kitchen this time, though. Except maybe to boil water for my morning joe. But I’m fixing to go to another house where a friend will do all the cooking. That would be nice. Just to hang out and not have to worry about all the fuss.

Don’t get me wrong. A house warmed by its kitchen on Thanksgiving day is a good thing. A very good thing indeed. I wish my house is one of them but hey… you can’t always get what you want. Right? Not all the time anyway.

This brings me to my thought for this morning. I’ve been doing a lot of wishful thinking lately. Lot of what if’s. I don’t know. But sometimes, not getting what you want is the best thing that could happen. And for that, I’m thankful. For if I did get everything I wanted all the time, I probably won’t as grateful as I am today. To say the least!

So this morning, I’m giving thanks. To God, mainly. For there’s a lot to be thankful for. Think about it. I will.

Happy Thanksgiving Day.


No, it’s not the Led Zeppelin album…

But believe it or not, I’m already trying to prep myself up for another round of studio mayhem to work on my 8th CD project! Yes, I’ve been writing new material since February. Unfortunately, I couldn’t seem to keep up the pace. I’m only down to song #3. Like in, three down? Ten to go? Yep, the writer’s block is back. For now, anyway.

So today, I stumbled upon a website I used to go to a lot years ago when I’m searching for songwriting ideas. It’s a poet’s website called – duh! – Go ahead and search for my name and you’ll find a few contributions of my own as well. In fact, that’s what I did. And I wanted to share with you one of those poems I wrote ages ago. It’s obviously about God, and how I’m so humbled to be in his presence. I still am.


I am not worthy of the presence
Though otherwise is too steep a price to pay
Relentlessly nurtured in my slumber
Fostered by cunning breasts I am
Unbearable, unstoppable

Truth, yes, truth is credible I believe
For it draws near with persistent pain
The blade gashes beyond mere skin, however
Optimism swiftly trickles like a bloodstream
Overflowing, overwhelming

No, I am not worthy of the presence
Yet my appointment is blindingly obvious
Like a brazen eagle thrashing his swollen wings
Only to be struck down by an arrow of empathy
Vindicated, exonerated

Artsy, you think? Sure. Cerebral? I don’t know. Maybe. But it’s a facade. Like my songs. A lot of them are spiritually-based, if you haven’t noticed. It’s mostly hidden behind the rock and roll. But I like it that way. It’s like, the lyrics are the pages and the loud guitars are the hard-bound cover.

But feel free to judge the book by its cover! 🙂 I do! It’s only rock and roll, right?