If only

if only

If only


My face disfigured by time
Cobwebs burying my eyes with shame
The product of hate I’ve become
I nurture this pain like a family

I bow my head to the ground
For I am nothing for you to look at
Your time need not be wasted
Your concern is unnecessary

I was born in silence and stillness
No one ever needed to know why
Locked inside my own mind
Unhampered by the sun

Years of expendable existence
All will fade away soon
Forever did I ask your questions
Yet never sought my own answers


If only

©2008 Chris Alma Jose

The Rock

Here in the shore stands a lonely rock
A companion of the lonely sea
I come here often waiting for you
Wishing for you
It’s just a matter of time, I thought

Then one day, there you are
The ocean waves trumpet your arrival

Though you seem adrift, like a dying fish
Drowning in your own world perhaps
I long to touch your golden hair and smile at you
And lift you up out of your deep waters

Yet you could not see me
Or would not see me, rather
Even as I wave my hand in the air

Your eyes wander far beyond your own reach
Too far to see the possibilities
Too far to see a dream come true

I vividly remember this moment
It’s happened many times before

Once again, I splash my tail in despair
I swim away in anguish, back to my kingdom

For just like your father before you
Your grandfather and his
And the ones before them, still
You stand on this rock

Unaware of my beauty
Unmindful of my existence
Unbelieving of any hope

©2008 Chris Alma Jose | Image from PBase

Look to the Light

looking to the light
You look to the light and go blind
For it is meant to direct your path, not negotiate
Its power is beyond your grasp
Its wisdom beyond understanding

You look to the light and you miss it
For light exists only in the dark
And whenever you claim your eyes can see
You unknowingly confirm your own blindness

You look to the light and pay the price
For showing disrespect and lack of awe
There are places no one must ever go
And lines no one must ever cross

You look to the light and die a slow death
For you dare to defy the truth of truths
A speck of dust is all that you are
And pride becomes your downfall

You look to the light and are no more
Forever gone and cast into oblivion
One day no one will ever remember
That there was once a dark in the light

©2008 Chris Alma Jose | Image from Flickr

(Don’t) Wait For Me

This week’s SES prompt was a bit easier than the last one. Heck, I even got done writing and producing the song in under seven hours. That’s a first for me. Moreover, I like this one a little better than the first song, Standing in the Rain. I think I’m getting better at this. Well, I hope so.

Here’s my offering. By the way, I had to go the opposite direction as the phrase “Wait For Me” reminds me too much of the old Hall & Oates song. Love the tune but didn’t want mine to sound like it. Anyhow, without further ado…

Don’t Wait For Me

Don’t wait for me
Ain’t coming back to you now
Don’t wait to see
Where this may lead us somehow
I don’t believe it’s wrong
I’ve just been waiting so long
I hang my head low
As I try to find myself again, so

Don’t wait for me
I’ve given all I’ve got
It’s just not in me
To try to be the man I’m not
Can’t we be fair
Seems like we’re going nowhere
Go ahead and keep the door shut
And keep the good ol’ memories, but

Don’t wait for me
Please let me be on my own
Oh can’t you see
Right now I just need to be alone
Nothing else to say
Well then, I’ll be on my way
Nothing else to do
But just one last thing to remind you

Don’t wait for me…

© 2008 Chris Alma Jose

Funny Rich Man

I seem to not have a reason to post this at all. The SES prompt for this week was a wee bit tricky for me. Believe me, I tried. But since I’m writing a song and not a story or a poem, it has to be presented in a recorded performance format. I think I got distracted by The Donald’s mugshot and couldn’t get the image out of my head. You really could do other things with the “Funny Rich Man” theme… it could even be a sad story, I think. But I was stuck with having to come up with something of a comedic nature. Something I’m not very good at. And when you attempt to write lyrics with a funny tone, it gets even harder when you have to put melody on top of it and sing it in a convincing manner. I just don’t have the stomach to go on with it without feeling silly or stupid. I couldn’t get away with it like Weird Al can.

So, here’s my incomplete offering. Just words. It’s suppose to be sung in a campy, novelty, over-the-top, rap rhyming style. Whatever that means. I’m sorry, I really just couldn’t pull it off. So again, for what it’s worth, here’s my chicken scratch…

Funny Rich Man

I got money, lots of money
I got humor and a Maserati
The top comes down, it’s cool, you dig
But I keep it up ’cause wind blows my……. papers

Now I’m boss ’round here, thought you should know
You don’t ask question, I run the show
Stick with me and you’ll go places
Do as I say and you’ll get your wishes

‘Cause I’m a funny rich man
That’s what I am
I’m a funny rich man
Rich and funny

You say you feel tired, it’s all in your head
We got work to do, take a break when you’re dead
‘Cause if you wanna work for my company
Better know our Mission… “It’s all about me Me ME!”

Now it ain’t so bad as you might think
We’re all laid back here (and I go wink wink wink)
They all like me here, and I like them folks
But when I try to act smart they better laugh at my jokes

‘Cause I’m a funny rich man
That’s what I am
I’m a funny rich man
Rich and funny

That’s right… Uhhh!!! Now, take it to the bridge!

© 2008 Chris Alma Jose

Oh, by the way, I wanted the music and groove to sound a bit like 70’s funk. With a James Brown feel (btw, the band didn’t take it to the bridge, and they all got fired in the end). Unfortunately, it ended up sounding more like David Bowie, I think. So, I had to stop. Here’s a sample clip. Please, don’t laugh!

Standing in the Rain

I’ve got two things going against me here.

First, I’m not a story writer. However, I’ve written a few songs in my day. Songwriting is much easier for me. You don’t have to go through extreme details to convey a vivid message. Couple stanzas and you’re done. Haven’t you heard the great Joey Ramone proverb… Second Verse, Same as the First…? How much more vivid can you be?

happy boy Second, it’s naturally difficult for me to focus on the negative (an artistic limitation, you might say). And Selma’s writing prompt for this week seems to have that depressing connotation. At least, that’s what you normally think when you hear the line… You left me standing in the rain… isn’t it? So then, the challenge is to approach it in a positive light. And I did.

Turns out, that was the easy part. You can say, there’s a third concern that may have cost me my “quiet boy” reputation in the neighborhood. You see, my tools required more than just pen and paper. It also commanded the stark presence of my loud instruments and not-so-confident voice to create the song. And when you live in a flat and all the people next door ever hear is oohs and aahs and thumping of the drums, there’s a chance they might pass you off as being a nutcase. Or, worse!

Anyhow, onto the song… I wish I still have my basement and can sing as loud as I can without fear of being intrusive. But alas, I have to resort to quieting my voice for the time being. This means I couldn’t be as emotive as I want to, lest I get glared at the next time I say hello to the Pleasantville residents.

Well, enough said… I say, hey ho, let’s go!

Standing In The Rain

Never thought I’d be alone
Never thought I’d make it on my own
In the pouring rain
And the years they passed me by
Seems the thunder of your voice have faded
In the pouring rain

Though you, you left me standing in the rain
You, you saw me through my bitter pain

When the clouds embrace the sky
And the lightning strikes inside my mind
I’ll make it through
And when I try to touch your face
Just to find some comfort and some safety
I know you’ll find me, guide me

Though you, you left me standing in the rain
You, you saw me through my bitter pain
You, you left me standing in the rain
You, you saw me strengthened by the pain

As the sun begins to shine
And the birds begin to sing their song
And the waves of the ocean calms
I run to you

© 2008 Chris Alma Jose

I hate love

No, not really. God, I hope not.

But I just wanted to give myself a shot at interpreting this seemingly embittered expression. It’s a writing prompt from Selma, by the way. Maybe next time I will be more visual through written words. But for now, here’s a photograph I took years ago when I was still married. It was from a bouquet of roses I gave my then wife.

Back then, I was naive enough to think that love was simple as it was beautiful. Like the flowers, it was gorgeous for a while and then one day, I’m like… uhmm, what happened?

Nothing lasts forever

Times were already rough when I took this shot. When I saw what happened to the roses after just a few days, I began to think that at some point, our marriage might somehow end up the same way. For the first time in my life, I started to fear that nothing could possibly last forever. Not even love.

So yes, you can say that I hated love for being so difficult on me. Back then, it seemed like I really did.