This is not good

The plan was to start this long weekend with a positive and cheerful attitude. At least, that was my original plan. I tried. However, I just got off the phone with Deb, my ex, about an hour ago.

This is not good, I’m telling you. This is NOT GOOD! I should not have answered her call. But, that would’ve been rude, I guess. I don’t know. Maybe, we should not have been talking for hours, at least. But, I couldn’t let go. I am tortured. What a way to start the new year.

Although, I think, I kind of pushed her away somehow, by telling her to not expect me to call her, ever. But, I’m thinking, she shouldn’t be calling me, in the first place. We’re never going to heal this way, I don’t think.

Hence, the quest to do the right thing, continues.

I’m just being real and open about where I’m at. So, please bear with me.

I think, I’m back in the mud, this moment. I hate this. I even started listening to these sappy songs again. Like this one, I wrote for her when I first asked her to be my girlfriend, long time ago. It was about a prediction I was hinting on. Since Christmas is my favorite time of year, I wanted to celebrate it on our wedding day. In June.

It’s all just a memory now, though. But, I don’t want to throw it away, yet. It was a big part of my life and I still treasure it to this day.

Christmas is Coming

The sun comes down
It’s cold outside
Snow falls to the ground
Like a leaf on a tree
So tears leave my eyes
When you’re not around

How long shall I wait for you my wife
How long shall I hold my breath before I die

Christmas is coming
It’s coming soon
Christmas is coming
We’ll wait by the moon
Christmas is coming
I’ll be with my love
As we celebrate our time
Our Christmastime in June

In my thoughts I recall
The cry of the ocean
Under the midnight sky
We walked on the shore
We played in the sand
How could I even say goodbye

There goes the bride

It’s so hard. Everyday is torture.

Sure, it helps to write things down but still, it haunts me to this day that my marriage didn’t work.

I take all the blame! I am weak and did not deserve her in the first place. Though, I am grateful to God that he gave me a chance to love and be loved. A chance to see me for who I really am. How I was and who I can be from this day forward.

As promised, I am sharing with you the bridal procession song that I wrote and recorded for my wedding. All I have now are the memories. And this song is from a moment in time when love was born. Like a baby, so tender and pure. I am so sorry that it has now passed away. Oh, so soon. How I wish I could bring it back to life.

Deb, I know you’re reading this. I hope you don’t mind me sharing it here. This will always be your song.

Here Comes My Bride

Here comes my bride
All dressed in white
I have been waiting all my life

My brand new day
Will wipe the tears away
All arise
Here comes my bride

Let’s dance, shall we?

Having chipped in a good amount of ridicule to love songs on yesterday’s post, it dawned on me… hey, wasn’t I also guilty of contributing to an already saturated pool of mushy cornballs myself?

Uhm, Just a little bit, actually.

Okay, wait. So, you probably think I’m just now wallowing in my emotional mud again, don’t you?

Actually, I just happen to like this song a lot. Really. I just want you to hear it. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever attempted to write something with a slight country twang to it. Yeehaw! After all, she’s from sweet home Alabama. So, I had to at least try! But since I can’t yodel without breaking out a pee-in-my-pants laugh, so much for it being a real country tune.

Uh, what in the world am I talking about, you asked? For some of you who haven’t read my previous posts and have no clue whatsoever… it’s a song I wrote and recorded for my wedding day. Some four and a half years ago. I actually wrote about five songs that were played during the ceremony itself. And this particular one is the song we danced to at the reception. (Deb, please don’t kill me if you ever read this.)

Awwwww, how romantic!!!!

We’re divorced now. Sorry to bust your bubble.

But hey, it’s still a legitimate song, I think. My friend in Atlanta was even begging me to let him use this song for his own wedding. What? Me? Pimp my song? Sorry pal, not unless I get royalties.

Anyhow, I wrote it in the tradition of Hotel California, since I’m such a big Eagles fan. It’s about as country as I can get as well, I’m afraid. But it doesn’t sound like HC at all (although, I must admit, a tad similar to another song of theirs, hee hee! See if you can tell). However, it does have that long guitar solo (my futile attempt at faking a pedal steel guitar) in the end that’s suppose to be the signal for everyone to join in the dance. Ha! See, I planned this all out in perfect timing!

I’m not used to writing sappy love songs, though. In fact, I try to stay away from it as much as possible. But obviously, this time, the job called for it. So I had to deliver.  But don’t get any ideas. I really meant the lyrics, okay? I still do, in fact. Sniff, sniff…

But allow me to send out a warning… this is for first-time saps only. No romantic pros please. Think shaky, sweaty nerd approaching gorgeous babe with hair moving in slo-mo!

Next time, I’ll share the song I composed for the bridal procession. You’ll be blown away that I timed it precisely, in sync with bride and dad arriving at the front of the altar right when the minister says… Who gives this woman… blah blah blah. At that moment, the song goes into a short whispering break. And then it goes back to a crescendo and finishes right when we finally arrive at the altar. Pardon me, I’m just so easily amused! Ha! 🙂

But in the meantime… let’s dance, shall we?

First Dance

When I was younger than yesterday
I used to smile on my own
And then I prayed to my God one day
To show me that I’m not alone

Did my dreams just die, my water dry
As the music began to play
Then I saw you there, an angel I swear
And I had just one thing to say

Let me have this dance, my very first dance
My crown, my honor, and my romance
Let me have this dance, my very first dance
As I sing this song to you

Seems like it was only yesterday
That you and I walked down the beach
I gazed at the stars oh so far away
As my prayer proved they’re not out of reach

And so my story goes, the proof it shows
No mountain our love cannot climb
So here we are today, our special day
Please let me ask you one last time

Let me have this dance, my very first dance
My crown, my honor, and my romance
Let me have this dance, my very first dance
As I sing this song to you

I will come to you, there is only you
You’re my dream come true
I’ll take you away till we’re old and gray
Let me hear you say

Let me have this dance, our very first dance
My crown, my honor, and my romance
Let me have this dance, our very first dance
My joy, my laughter, my love at first glance
Let me have this dance, our very first dance
My crown, my honor, and my romance
Let me have this dance, our very first dance
As I sing this song to you

As I sing… my love

Ooh… my love…