If only

if only

If only


My face disfigured by time
Cobwebs burying my eyes with shame
The product of hate I’ve become
I nurture this pain like a family

I bow my head to the ground
For I am nothing for you to look at
Your time need not be wasted
Your concern is unnecessary

I was born in silence and stillness
No one ever needed to know why
Locked inside my own mind
Unhampered by the sun

Years of expendable existence
All will fade away soon
Forever did I ask your questions
Yet never sought my own answers


If only

©2008 Chris Alma Jose

10 thoughts on “If only

  1. It makes one’s pain worse when it is unacknowledged. And to not seek answers to our own questions leaves us feeling a little empty. I can relate to the gloom, I really can. If only the sun would always shine…..

    The truth is we all have moments like this. Maybe not as extreme but the sun sure doesn’t shine all the time either.

  2. Eish! That’s hard to read- you’re right it’s dark. What is sad is that there are so many people suffering alone like this.
    Clear, crystal writing, though.

    I really hate to think there’s someone actually going through this much pain. But what do I know? I’m just jotting down some words for a writing prompt. 🙂 But thanks, Lauri.

  3. Good wok Chris. My favourite lines is,

    “I nurture this pain like a family”

    which I find potentially very telling and fraught with all sorts of possible meanings.


    Yeah, I tried to make it sound deeply personal, as in no one really knows for sure but me. Thanks, David.

  4. Excellent poem Chris – I can’t add to what David and Paisley said, I’ll just ditto there comments.

    The independent line about expendable pain is quite provocative for me as well. Off the cuff, it points me toward concepts of neglect and isolation, but with perfect subtly and art.

    I really liked this a great deal – thanks!

    Coming from a real pro, I am certainly flattered. Thank you, Kayt.

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