random thoughts

Just my two shekels

| Chris

A year ago this month, I completed a CD project called “A Dark in the Light.” Yep! It’s been a long year alright. Now, it’s just a buzzphrase for me and it’s everywhere that I am. Or so it seems. Well heck, it’s even gone to be the grand poobah title of my blogsite now, if you haven’t noticed yet!

There was a reason that phrase came about, by the way. Or why I titled my last CD such. And obviously, because of its spiritual undertone, it’s sometimes difficult to zero in on a fair interpretation. So, what’s with the phrase? Well, as you may have already found out, last year was a tough emotional year for me, to say the least. No, there wasn’t any falling out or anything bad like that. In fact, I held on pretty good despite the bitter times. But more on this in a while.

A few weeks back, I was able to port my journal here in wordpress from my old and dated platform. Finally. I’m still as excited about it today as I was the day it went live. And since then, I have shouted through the rooftops… and the world (at least my own little world) has heard and found out about it. And I thank everyone who takes the time to read my rants. Or should I say, random thoughts. Because that’s what they are.

Anyhow, I’m writing this entry in hopes of shedding some light on the phrase “A Dark in the Light” as some of you have asked me about it. This would probably be good for my sanity as well. So here it goes…

On the rocksWell, besides sounding simply cool :-), this was, in fact, exactly how I felt during the time Deb and I decided to end our relationship. If you have read some of my entries from mid last year, you would’ve heard a sad tone in between the lines. Some of my friends even commented in a jokingly manner that whenever I speak of my dog, they’re not sure if it’s really the dog I’m talking about or someone else. But of course, they knew. Although, back then I couldn’t even bear to think about it, much less talk about it. So I blurred my words a bit to dodge some of this pain I had never felt before in my life. But somehow I had to deal to heal.

But back to what I was saying… when Deb and I split up in April of last year, I had to look in the mirror to see if I really knew myself or if I had only been putting on a mask all my life. I wasn’t even sure anymore. After all these years of living a somewhat radical life of faith in God, I am now being overcome by waves of confusion. For the first time ever, I am seeing a complete stranger in me. If that makes any sense.

I have always believed and feared God. And my life revolved around the essence of Him being the light in the dark alley that I walk through everyday. And because of this sheer conviction, I am somehow able to walk and live life confidently. No, things didn’t always happen the way I wanted them to. Not by a long shot! But as far as I can remember, I was always relieved that this was the case or I may have been regretful of a lot of things… that is, if I was in control of my own life. And so, when things didn’t work out in my marriage, eventually, I thought of myself as this shameful dark figure walking about in the light. As in, a dark spot on an otherwise spotless surface. A distinct blemish. A stain on a white shirt. Umm, a party crasher? Or still… an unworthy son.

Unworthiness. Yes! Unworthiness is, in fact, the overwhelming theme of the phrase “A Dark in the Light.” Shame is overcome by grace, guilt by forgiveness and failure by a second chance. But, on through the life beyond this one, unworthiness remains. It’s in the blood and will never wash out.

Okay, I have no intentions of sounding religious whatesoever. I apologize if I did. But I live a spiritual life and I’ll always have a spiritual perspective on anything I say or do. Sometimes when I speak it sounds philosophical but it’s really not. It’s all just a personal view.

My two shekels, if you will.

And like I’ve said in the past, my art reflects this as well. Especially in my music. So hey, listen to it sometime. Listen to A Dark in the Light! It’s about Deb, about friends, about family and about God. But, enough said. As Steven Tyler would say… let the music do the talking!

Until next time…

Freedom is not free; and wears a camouflage

| Chris

Happy Veterans Day, everyone!

I just stepped out on my front porch a few minutes ago to inhale the fresh morning air. Although, it was a little nippy and my coffee couldn’t stay warm enough after a couple of minutes, so I had to waltz on back inside and… well, turn on the TV! 🙂

By the way, I’m really liking this new digs of mine. I’m already feeling the freedom from having to open up a code editor just to write a journal entry and then, ftp to my webserver whatever elements I have to just to make a single post! Aaaarggghh!!!! It’s nice to just have a laptop while sitting on the couch watching CNN.

Speaking of CNN, with all its Veterans Day type issues being discussed this morning, it reminded me of that show “Band of Bloggers” that I saw a few days ago on the History Channel. It was pretty intense. I immediately started reading these blogs that the show was all about. I even scoured Technorati for war-related posts. It’s amazing, these guys blog the same day they’re in the firing line, so you can imaging the raw emotion and gruesome details they’re able to muster in their words. It was like the movie Saving Private Ryan, only you were reading about it. And thinking that this could’ve happened just yesterday made it seem even more real and personal. One guy was saying these blogs are critical to their sanity it would never stop as long as the war is going on.  And as much as they’re grateful for the ability to blog where they are, what they would welcome even more is the possibility of carrying a pda with them in the line of battle (they already carry a digital camera now). Wow, blogging in combat! Unreal!

But all this only made me feel for the soldiers. One guy was saying that it made all the difference to know that someone is reading their blog and is sympathizing with them in what they’re going through at that very moment. That’s what drives them to do it in the first place. That feeling of connection and companionship with the reader, it’s a need.

I am with you, brother.

Man, I just think no one should be deprived of his/her family by being sent to war. But war is a dirty job and someone has to do it. I really felt grateful. Not just because someone’s fighting for our freedom, but also because all of us really do have some kind of freedom to begin with, any way we look at it. Sometimes it’s hard to see (… perhaps ’cause it wears a camouflage ;)), but just the fact that we’re alive and breathing is freedom in itself.

Freedom is not free though. But when you think about it, someone always pays for one’s freedom. Many times, that someone is a complete stranger even. This is true in any and every situation, I believe.

Anyway, I didn’t plan on getting deep and philosophical about this. I simply want to express gratitude that I, today, woke up and was alive and well, am able to go outside my house and feel the morning breeze and see the clear blue sky.

I’m sure someone today would like to have some of that.

A portrait of freedomBy the way, about a week ago at work, I printed a photo that I took here in town at the Frontier Days parade back in July. I hung it in my office and a few people took notice eventually. They liked it and suggested I put it up on our corporate website’s homepage just for the week of Veterans Day. Well, I was a bit busy and forgot to do it, so I’m posting it here for all to see now. I especially like how the little guy looks so innocent and has no idea of the freedom he has. Just sitting there, enjoying the parade… life’s great.

And it is!

Anyhow, it may not explicitly be a Veterans Day type image but, in a way, it sure portrays the freedom we have in this country.

At least, some of us in the office think so…

Umm… and one more thing I’m grateful for… no work tomorrow!!!

Oh Yeah! Let freedom ring indeed!

A new home

| Chris

Howdy! It’s been a while since I wrote something here, eh?

Uh, did I just say… here? As in… here in wordpress.com? As opposed to chrisalmajose.com?

Oh yeah. I forgot to remind you that I have been wanting to relocate my journaling platform from my personal webhost to something like this one here. 

Ahh… an architect’s house is never done!

Well, two reasons actually. First, I am tired of the heavy maintenance that I do on my own website. I thought, I already do this all day everyday at work, why do I have to do it again when I’m home and suppose to relax? Second, I have been bombarded with spam on my old site for a few months now. I even have to disable the commenting function for past couple of months just to avoid the insane outpouring of junk posts. I could probably find a way to get around this issue but hey, why reinvent the wheel, y’know?

So now, to make the move, I needed to port my old entries into wordpress just so I could keep an archive. That went through without a hitch. Unfortunately, the comments wouldn’t carry over. I’m bummed. I had some really good ones I wish I could keep. Oh well, the database is trashed now. Guess I’ll just have to start over.

But hey… I have a brand new home on the web! It’s kind of exciting. 🙂 Let’s see if I can last here a while. But I’ve got some work to do still, I’m thinking. Some rearranging, reorganizing and stuff. We’ll see.

Right now, I’m exhausted. I just came back from work and I need to rest. Hang tight. I’ll be back soon. Hopefully, with new content.

Love the fall

| Chris

My gosh, it’s November already! Although the weather here in Cheyenne has been on the cooler side for a few weeks now, it’s still amazing how time seem to have flown so fast this year.

But I love the fall. The color, the breeze (I can hear the wind howling and pounding on my windows as I write this) and of course, the snow flakes! We’ve had a couple of snow falls already in the past month and I look forward to many more.

Hate to say it though, but this is the time of year I tend to just laze around and do nothing. Just want to bundle up, have a mug of hot cholocate and be glued to the tube all weekend. So I, at least, tried to clear my conscience today by picking up the guitar and attempting to write a tune but… you know how I’ve been on that department lately. So, no progress there, unfortunately.

Lions Park in the SummerThen it just dawned on me, I still have a whole bunch of pictures that I took about 3 months ago. Maybe I could work on those. Do a little magic and put them up on the website. And so I did. The last set I put up was of some kids showing off their bike riding skills. This new one I’m putting up right now is of the park itself. Not a whole lot, just some interesting shots I thought I could inject some emotional value into. I enjoy doing that, by the way. Reason is because I really don’t use photography as a be-all-end-all medium. I’m no slave to f-stops, apertures and shutter speeds, even though I respect the rules. I simply decide whether I like something or not. I don’t have to go by what the specs tell me. The camera is just a tool for me to create a base for my end product, which is simply an image with a personal stamp on it. However I stamp it depends on how I wish to express myself at a particular moment. And it’s never the same way twice. But, painters are the same, aren’t they? Whatever works, I guess.

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of sepia-toned photos. And sometimes, I would do a combo b/w and color effect to exaggerate the subject’s importance. Doing all this is very relaxing to me so I don’t mind putting in the effort when it’s called for. However, when a particular photo holds up on its own in my opinion, I just leave it alone. Work’s done there.

Anyhow, I just wanted plug in the new page. Check it out. Next time, I’ll work on the other set… a bunch of macro shots from the botanical garden here in town. Lots more on that one.

But as I said earlier, right now I just want to laze around… so I’ll do that for now, okay?

A tribute

| Chris

This was way back 15 to 20 years ago when my friends and I used to eat tacos in L.A. at 2 in the morning. I was living in the here and now, had long hair and went to see all the local rock bands on the Sunset Strip every single weekend. Man, I must’ve seen every hair band that came out in those days. My life is so different now, although every once in a while, something would take me back in time. And I always enjoy reminiscing.

But this time around it’s not nearly as pleasant.

Back in the late 80’s there was this Long Beach radio station called KNAC that I religiously listened to. It was dubbed, the loudest station on the planet. And rightfully so, as it was a heck of an alarm clock for me in those days. I remember the morning dude, Thrasher, he had a tagline… “Wake up screaming, Thrasher in the morning!”… that was indeed worth waking up to. Anyhow, I was gonna say, the bad news is that there was another DJ there that was really, really cool. Her name’s Tawn Mastrey. Before even KNAC went off the air, she had moved on and eventually she ended up in Minnesota.

Two nights ago though, she died.

Now, she might not be a household name in the media world but to a small circle of headbangers who proudly associated themselves with the cult of KNAC, she was a goddess. I mean, she, along with the other guys, was the voice of the underdog, the air guitar and air drum playing beach bums whose tailgate parties happened in the Long Beach Arena parking lot hours before Iron Maiden hit the stage.

The news of her death reminded me of how I felt during KNAC’s last day on the air. It was sometime in ’95. I was driving somewhere in SoCal. I remember needing to pull over to listen during the last few minutes. It was so painful when they finally played their last song as they faded into blackness. The song? Metallica’s Fade to Black, what else?

desert storm missleHow bitterly appropriate it was.

For a couple of years, the silence was deafening. Until one day, on the internet… kaboom!!! Just like turning the radio dial, I type in knac.com on Netscape 3’s address bar. Keeping my fingers crossed, I waited for my dial-up connection to load up the graphics-heavy site with its familiar black background. And 2 minutes later, there it was! The loudest station… I mean, dot com on the planet, staring me in the eyes! My jaw dropped. I now raced to find the button that said PLAY. And when I did, it was ’87 all over again!

Anyhow, Tawn’s passing just made me think of this station more than ever before as it was a big part of my 20’s. And even though my taste for music has widened and moved quite far away from the KNAC format, every once in a while I still crave that loud, obnoxious, jackhammer in your skull music that I grew up listening to. Besides, the station is kind of an alma mater of sorts. When you’re a big part of it at some point, you’ll always have that sense of eternal affiliation. So as a tribute to Tawn and KNAC, I embedded the radio here on my website so I can listen to it anytime I want without having to visit the website.

Okay, I gotta get some sleep. I’ll see you back here soon.

Meanwhile, here’s to you, Tawn – \m/ – May God have mercy on your soul.

Of bikes and maté

| Chris

The weather here in Cheyenne is gradually getting cooler and cooler these days. I was looking at my old mountain bike this morning. I used to ride it every night this past summer because it was too hot to ride during the day. Then I got lazy and stopped for a couple of weeks. Now, I guess I don’t have any excuses, do I?

Except, that I am busy writing something here… hello!

Chris drinking Yerba MatéAnyhow, here I am sipping French Roast when it should’ve been Yerba Maté. That’s right, it’s my preferred cup of tea. Or should I say, gourd of tea? After all, I drink it from the gourd like they do in Argentina. But, I ran out. Now, do I have to drive down to Denver to find some loose leaves? That’s a real bummer since it’s cold outside and all I want to do today is bundle up in front of the TV. Maybe they have it at the health store in the mall. Hopefully. I’ll go stop by later.

But hey, real quick, I just wanted to let you know I’ve got some new photos I took at the park this past few weekends. Yep, just passing time and enjoying the scenery. This bunch I’m putting up today is of some kids I met at Lions Park one weekend. They were waiting to participate in some BMX tournament that afteroon. They were so amused that I was taking pictures all over the park, they asked to be photographed while doing their “stunts.” Nice kids, so I obliged. It was just fun to hang out with them for awhile.

I have more photos to show but I’ll reserve them for later. But here’s the set with the kids on their BMX bikes. Enjoy this for now.

Meanwhile, my mountain bike’s giving me that look already. Should I oblige, you think?

Remember Jellyfish?

| Chris

This is just getting a bit frustrating to me already. I really want to get this CD done before the end of the year but it seems like I have been traveling on the slow side of musical creativity for a while now. Could it be that I’m getting a little old for this? Yikes! Hopefully I’ll get a song produced completely before the end of summer. That’s actually better than nothing at this point. So, here I am in the basement… and I couldn’t produce a decent note all morning. For some inspiration, I am now listening to my favorite Internet Radio Station while lifting some weights. Yep! And in between sets, I am scribbling a little something while waiting for a light bulb to pop over my head as I keep myself busy with other things. Hang tight, gotta do another set of curls.

Ahhh, cool! The radio just played Jellyfish. Remember Jellyfish? They’re one of my all-time favorite Indie Rock acts from the early nineties. I love the almost unique features of this hippie/glam/punk outfit, like the drummer/singer playing a stand-up drumkit and is in front with the band as opposed to being behind it like the usual setup. If you’re not familiar with them, their sound is a mixutre of A Day At The Races-era Queen, Magical Mystery Tour-era Beatles with retro as well as alternative sounding pop hooks. Their second release, Spilt Milk, was almost like a modern-day rock opera! Too bad they only put out two CDs before calling it quits. But it was enough to keep a cult following alive and well to this day. Okay, wait a sec, time for the bench press.

Let’s see, I’ve collected some youtube embed scripts from videos of Jellyfish that I’ve checked out just moments ago. It took me awhile as I was really enjoying these mightily. Oh alright, I guess I’ll share! These are some of my favorite ones. It’s a good time for you to check them out… as I do my crunches.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sebrina, Paste and Plato

This is one of my favorite songs. It’s got that With A Little Help From My Friends kinda vibe to it.

Bye, Bye, Bye

I love the folk sensibilities oozing off of this song. It’s done in an almost sarcastic manner. So punk, so beautiful!

The Ghost at Number One
Excellent bridge, in my opinion! Very classy! I’m a sucker for good bridges.

Joining a Fan Club

The first time I heard this song, I thought it was Queen. From the vocals to the bombastic drums and guitars, it will, uhmm… rock you.

The King is Half Undressed

Although it’s got a typical 90’s alternative sound, the chorus progression reminds me of a 60’s folk/rock song, like Jefferson Airplane or something like that. Really cool!

New Mistake

That is Why

He’s My Best Friend

Could this be a tribute to… the Bishop?

Jet/No Matter What

And lastly, a fun medley of a couple 70’s songs. There’s also an awful joke on Linda McCartney during the synth solo.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I wish I could put more. But I’ve got to work on my own music now. Hopefully, I can get a song done today.

But wait… a couple more sit-ups! Sore muscles might just get me motivated and inspired. Ya think?

Weekends in the Old West

| Chris

Historic Atlas TheaterWow, it’s already August! I’m glad that fall will soon be here. Unfortunately, we all know that summer’s peak is just about this time. So we’ve got about another 3 to 4 weeks of roasting temperatures ahead of us. It’s a good thing the heat doesn’t normally linger too long here in Cheyenne. And even at this time of heatwave onslaught going on all over the country, we’ve only stayed in the 80’s for the most part. Not too bad, I must say.

Last night, I hung out with a few friends. We went to a sushi place, drank warm sake (the dude making sushi was raising a toast every two minutes for the next hour or so) and then saw an old-fashioned melodrama at the historic Atlas Theater downtown. Really cool! Never been to that kind of melodrama before. It was like being inside a theater from the late 1800’s. Yep, it’s the old west at its proudest form! Rowdy and riotously funny! Although, it looked like I was the only non-white person in there, no cowboy heritage to show whatsoever. So yeah, it was a little nerve-wracking, to say the least. Good thing my friends were there to comfort me! He!

Frontier Days ParadeAnyhow, back to the weather… this weekend has been torturous. For me, at least. I was out having breakfast at McDonald’s this morning, I ended up staying inside til almost lunchtime. I must’ve read every article in the Sunday papers including the classifieds! But last weekend was another story. It was so nice I was out and about almost the entire time. And Saturday especially. I was in front of the Capitol Building watching the Frontier Days Parade in the morning. It’s always a good idea to bring a camera to those kind of events. The week before I took some shots at the fairgrounds but it was so hot so I didn’t shoot a lot. This time, I was a shutter maniac! And I’m happy to say a lot of them turned out really good. Some folks have already told me that they’ve attended this parade every single year of their lives but yet, have never experienced it the way they’ve seen it in my pictures. Gee, I must’ve done something right! My ears are now clapping!

Go check it out and see what you think.

Indian summer

| Chris

Man, has it been hot for you this weekend or what? It’s probably not as bad as it is for other places like Phoenix or Dallas, but it really gets annoying when you’re up in the rocky mountain region and it gets in the 90’s. I miss the snow, I tell ya!

Anyhow, I was gonna mention that a few days ago, I stumbled on my high school’s website. Gee, when I was in high school, it’s like… what’s a website? And it brought me back to those days when we were cheering our basketball team to silly anthems like “The Fight Song,” “The Victory Song,” and the one that really stood out for me… “The Indian Yell!” I remember it being so bold and great and all. I was proud! Especially when we were winning, it made all the more sense. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t now as it used to. I don’t know if it’s time or what, but the website had an audio copy of the song, so I listened to it. Gawwwwd!!! It was awful! That rendition just made me wanna puke! It was so silly, they were probably using a drum machine to recreate its infamous drum riff that was as memorable as “We Will Rock You!” It sounded so mechanical and had no feeling! The cheering squad was drowned in deep ridiculous reverb you couldn’t understand what they were saying. Maybe it’s just the recording engineer in me. I don’t know, but… yes, I’m gonna stop being critical now. Thank you.

Frontier Days '07But the reason I mentioned this is that because this weekend, we kicked off an annual event here in Cheyenne called Frontier Days. It’s a fair that has an indians and cowboys type of thing that celebrates the old west, and it happens every last full week of July. It’s a big rodeo event too. The biggest in the country, in fact. But they also have the big acts in music coming out to play. So I went to check it out, just like I did last year. This time though, I brought a camera to see what I could take back home with me. Well, I was able to shoot a little bit but it was torture. Yeah, if it wasn’t for the temperature being in the mid-90’s, I probably would’ve stayed all afternoon and shot some more. But I couldn’t last more than an hour before passing out. So I left and missed the rodeo. Oh well, I can’t see myself on a rodeo event anyway. Can you?

But at least, I got me some pictures just walking down Frontier Park. No, it wasn’t a walk in the park at all because of the heat, but the Indians were definitely worth the short stroll.

So, enough said… check out the pics!