music

Are you ready to gruuumble?

| Chris

If only we had meat to eat… but now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna.
~ Numbers 11:4-6

You can’t always have what you want. And you can’t have everything either. At least, not all at once.

Have you ever struggled with having to choose between what you want and what you need? How about forcibly getting what you need instead of what you actually want? Of course you have. You’re only human, after all. It is a battle we all face, constantly. And there is no way out of it, I’m afraid. We will always be in a tug-of-war against ourselves. Unless, of course, you opt to simply give in. Then, I rest my case.

But, that’s just my observation.

Me? I’m usually pretty good at being disciplined about making sound decisions for my own sake. Like, you know… given the state of my own personal economy, I would buy something suspiciously cheap, if I deem it able to serve the same purpose as one that costs way more. It doesn’t always work but I, at least, learn from the experience. I’ve never been enticed by brand names. Not that it should matter to anyone else. However, if a brand name is more cost-effective in the long run, then I would not skimp. You can relate, can’t you?

When I was younger and was a working musician, I remember starving myself, eating only ramen noodles everyday, just so I can save the money to be able to buy a two thousand dollar guitar. Yep, I was that crazy back then. And I would sacrifice that way again and again, every time I had a piece of gear I “needed” to purchase. After all, the tools of the trade are a must, right? And so, worth dying for.

However, there are times when I’m not too happy with what I’m given either. Because what I asked for was something different. Something of selfish nature, perhaps. But in the end, I was glad because it all worked out well in the long run, as it always does for me. It goes to show how much I know about what’s right and what’s wrong.

These past few days, I’ve been trying to find a new place to move in to in three weeks. It’s a battle in my mind because a lot of people think I should go ahead and buy a house now. And I’m thinking… hmmm, yes I could. I’m able to… so, why not? For a couple of days, I was really tempted. I could swing this and get it done with, already. But then, I thought… I still have debt to pay off and other financial obligations I need to tend to, at the moment. Sure, I could make it all fit into my budget, no problem. But I had to stop and think of a better scenario. The big picture. The future. Instead of just today.

Today. Yes, today, I need to chill. I need to sacrifice today so tomorrow will be rewarded. I now believe in this philosophy. Sacrificing today doesn’t necessarily mean depriving myself or halting my life. I think, contentment is key. If I am content with little now, who knows, I may be rewarded with a bit more, later. I have to trust in hope. If you don’t have hope, what else can you possibly have? The cake is already good. But a little icing would be nice too, right?

So yeah, what’s it gonna be? Want or need? It pays to choose wisely since we’re only allowed one choice at a time.

Meat or manna, people… it’s either one or the other.

Meat Or Manna

don’t even think about it, it’s not what you need
don’t fly away forever, just to come back down to bleed
i have only one thing to say
you don’t have to run away

i was hoping you’d wanna
wanna choose meat or manna
it’s either one or the other
meat or manna

if only life was easy, you can do what you please
you just hide behind the curtain and pretend no one sees
there is only one thing that matters
but all you want is everything that shatters

i was hoping you’d wanna
wanna choose meat or manna
it’s either one or the other
meat or manna

you feed on your wisdom as you sit at the table
and you wanna save the world
but does your mind think you’re able
i know what you’re after tonight
don’t question my answer cause it’s black and white

i was hoping you’d wanna
wanna choose meat or manna
it’s either one or the other
meat or manna

©2002 Chris Alma Jose

Struggle

| Chris

It’s been a tough time for me, this past couple of weeks. Not only have I been sick for the longest time (yes, I’m still reeling to this day), I’ve also been in a sort of roller coaster ride, emotionally. Most of you know why. And to top it all off, I just got news yesterday, that my landlord is taking back the house I’m renting, to give to his son as a wedding gift. Now, I’m all of a sudden, scrambling to find a new place to move in to, next month. I’m a bit overwhelmed, to be honest.

There are times when things go rough and you’re hoping to simply ride the storm thinking, it will all be good in the end. Sometimes, it ends up as planned. Sometimes, it doesn’t. It reminded me of a song I wrote some time ago, when I was still married. I was hoping that the storm will soon pass and we’ll be alright, in the end. Apparently, the storm did a pretty good job.

Hopefully, it won’t be too hard on me, this time around.

Anyhow, here’s a song about hoping for the best.


After the Fire

Remember the moonlight, the sand in our shoes
We walked until midnight looking for clues
How could it be so easy, how could it be so plain
We lit up a fire, we lit up a flame

So our hands came together through comfort and pain
The tears and the laughter, the sun and the rain
A dream for tomorrow, a promise we yearn
That after the fire, the fire will burn

Our eyes they were glowing as we hoped for the best
But stormy days passed us by, thought we’re failing the test
We came to our senses, we grew and we learned
And after the fire, the fire still burned

And when I flip the pages of my memories of yesterday I cry
And when I view the photographs they whisper to me saying
Love can never die

We came to our senses, and we grew and we learned
So after the fire, the fire still burned

Now Christmas is back again, and it comes with a smile
Those crazy days have come and gone, they only stay for a little while
Though the sun may not shine today, and the rain may take its turn
But after the fire, the fire will burn
And after the fire, the fire will burn
Yeah, after the fire, the fire will burn

Gone Country

| Chris

I don’t normally like reality shows, but every once in a while comes one that hooks me like a hopeless addict. I remember turning down party invitations, just so I won’t miss an episode of the Osbournes. Right now, it’s a show called Gone Country.

Well, I’m not much for country music, either. I don’t know. Maybe, it’s because I like the idea of a show about songwriting, in a crossover platform. Maybe, I like to see celebrities make a fool of themselves. Maybe, it’s because I’ve had fond memories of Nashville and the south in general. Or maybe, I’m just plain amused to see how Dee Snider’s going to survive this plight.

Yeah, that’s probably it! So far, I’ve been really enjoying it a lot. So, we’ll see.

Ladies and Gentlemen, by Saliva

| Chris

Sometimes, there’s just nothing on my mind except the wondrous articulations of head-banging music. Yes, it happens. And that’s what’s been going on with me, pretty much all day today. Just indulging myself with some melodic jackhammering on the loudest dot com on the planet. I just heard one of my favorite songs of the past year… Ladies and Gentlemen, by Saliva. I had to find it on Youtube, right away! This is one of those songs that stops me on my tracks and makes me stand at attention! It never fails, every single time I hear it! It has every element I love about modern rock music. The heaviness, the infectious groove, the Beatlesque melodies and the Industrial sensibilities. All rolled into one. If I’m in a band today, I’d be making and playing music like this one. This ain’t no sissy rock, by the way.

Feeling unplugged

| Chris

Okay! Time for another music blog. Time to let the music do the talking, once again.

unpluggedBack in the summer of 2005, I recorded a few cover tunes, as I had been running dry on creativity. I included the Thin Lizzy classic, “The Boys Are Back In Town,” since it was one of those tunes I used to play live, at open mic nights. Unplugged! It was sort of unique to play it with an acoustic guitar, as it is truly well-known for being a rock anthem (I can imagine it being blasted in an Irish pub). But people seemed to liked it a lot.

I originally wanted to record it, 50’s doo-wop style. After all, if you listen closely to the original, the vibe is pure R&B (blame it on Phil Lynott! 😉 ). But, I couldn’t pull off anything soulful enough, to pass as doo-wop. So…

Hey, let’s all raise our Guiness Stouts, and sing along, shall we?

Uh one, uh two, uh one, two, three, fohhh…

The trouble with flatlining

| Chris

Real quick… I just have to play Queen’s Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon. Because it’s exactly what I’m doing, right this moment. Besides, I love a good quirky tune on a snowy day. I know, it doesn’t make any sense. But, that’s the point. 🙂

Anyhow, I just got done watching the old movie Flatliners. Although, I’m sure, it’s not the most appealing choice for some folks, I still like it much. If only, due to its spiritual undertones. Besides, it’s entertaining to watch supposedly witty people make witless decisions and then, pay for them later. In movies, that is.

bleepAlso, I was reading some random blog somewhere yesterday about the benefits of blindness. It’s interesting to note that there are, indeed, things we’ll never be able to see, unless we’re blind. Especially, if blind from birth. Though, how ironic, I thought. I can only imagine the otherworldly experiences of such people. Their visual alternatives to what we’re accustomed to seeing in plain view, can only be sheer fantasy to us. The light that shines through their “dark” world can never be compared to the one we’re typically acquainted with. I venture to think that, it’s a little more complex than a mere flick of a light switch. Or, even the break of dawn creeping in through a bedroom window.

My thoughts on this led me to believe that, there are reasons why we’re not able to see or experience certain things we wish we could. Maybe, it’s because it’s for our own safety. Or others’ safety, for that matter. Or maybe, it’s not yet time. Or even yet, we don’t deserve such pleasure. And perhaps, these same types of reasoning can also apply to why we’re seeing things we’d rather be blind to. It could also be that we’re simply being taught a lesson. Or something.

All I can muster at the moment is that, no one is in control of anything in this world. Not even our very lives, in fact. And playing God, or flatlining, if you will, is like bungee jumping, or doing other crazy stunts like it. You’ll never know until you try, right? Of course. And, it may be the thrill of a lifetime. Yet, it may also be the last one. And, being cautious doesn’t guarantee anything, really. I mean, do you ever know for sure? You decide for yourself.

Having freewill can be both a blessing and a curse. My choices are my own responsibility. Still, one way or another, we all have to make our own. It’s a scary little proposition. But one we’re all bound to initiate individually, sooner or later.

Tomorrow, it’s back to work for me. There will be decisions to be made. Dilemmas to be solved. Facts to be dealt with. It’s life. Would I like the outcome? Would I agree? I think so. Gee, maybe I don’t know. Hopefully. We’ll see.

Right now, though, I’m simply enjoying a little break. For it won’t last very long. It’s a little gift. So, I’m savoring every moment of pleasure… just lazing on a Sunday afternoon.

Anyone interested?

| Chris

I have an interesting idea for this year. But I’m still working it out. And I need all the help I can get. Anyone interested? Well, read on.

Most of you probably know by now, that I’m a musician. If you didn’t know that yet, I’d like to let you in on a little secret… I’m a musician! Ta da!!! Shhhh… don’t tell anyone. 🙂

Since the year 2000, I have committed to engage myself in a musical project in which I write (by myself or with a collaborator), more or less, a dozen songs each year. I actually, write way more than that. But more on this later.

Now, the fun starts when I actually set aside a block of time to go into the studio (the basement, in my case) and practically live there for about three or four months, roughly, out of the year. The first order of things is to sort out whatever material I’ve got on hand. Usually, I end up having enough material for two or three CDs that I can work with. From the list, I pick my top songs to include in my current project. And, whatever I don’t end up using at this time, I’ll always reconsider later, for my next project.

Unfortunately, the past couple of years, I have been overwhelmed with personal problems that I started to experience writer’s block. Or, whatever it’s called. I completed my last CD in November of 2006. And, that was the end of it. After that, I had run out of songs and nothing was coming out of me since. Last year, I wrote about four songs, I think. And, they’re halfway recorded. Some have drum tracks on them, some have only guitars and rough vocal tracks. But I’ve been very lazy, I must admit. I just don’t have the same enthusiasm as I used to.

I feel that last year was a such a waste, if only because I broke my own streak. It was the first year since 2000 that I didn’t finish a musical project. I’m afraid that I am beginning to be a different person by not practicing music. It is, after all, what I claim to be the air I breath. It’s not a job. Not a career (anymore). Not a hobby. Not a chore. It is simply, the air I breath. I have to do this, somehow.

So, I thought about this today. How I could make it work this time around. I thought, maybe a collaboration will help me get a little excited about making music again. Maybe, if I wrote with someone else, it would inspire my creative juices to flow once again. I have been visiting some online music collaboration websites lately. But they’re a bit technical and geared towards serious musicians only. For some reasons, I thought it would be cool to collaborate with people who simply want to try their hands in songwriting for the first time. A simple storyline set in poetry in which one can imagine being married to a melody and/or groove.

songwriting palsNow, if you’ve read this far down, maybe I have somehow sparked an interest in you, already. I’d love to hear what you think, then. As far as my own vision goes… it’s a little too early to tell. I’m open to anything, really. But the simplest way I can imagine this idea taking off, is if I could get one partner for each song I write. Say, if you are willing to write a few lines of (factual or fictional) poetry, I can attempt to write a melody on top of it, if you haven’t already. Then, I’ll record it, and post updated versions of its recording here, on a regular basis. I’ll do this until we’re both satisfied, and the master recording has been completed.

I’d love to have as many collaborators as possible. Although, I can always collaborate on multiple songs with just one. Also, I can’t promise that things are going to work out with everybody, or every pitched in idea. Since I will be the one doing the majority of the work here, I will have to figure out what works and what doesn’t, for me.

But the most rewarding of all, is that at the end of the session, we will have completed a major CD project, with songwriting credits given to those who had participated. And everyone gets a copy of the songs’ mp3’s.

Sounds good? Let me know.

Oh, and if you want to get an idea of my songwriting style, and the kind of music I’m inclined to play… you can listen to them on this page.

Dreaming of white picket fences

| Chris

Every once in a while, I feel the need to post a music blog. Much like some people do a photo blog. Hey, maybe I should try that too, at some point.

Anyhow, yes, a music blog. For now. Maybe it’s because, in a particular moment, I am reminded of a time when a song I wrote had everything to do with it. Like my failed marriage, for instance (I apologize for having to mention this over and over). But then, there are times when I am simply reminded of a friendship. A partnership. A time when art was created through a collaboration. Sometimes, even a necessary collaboration. As in the case of this song.

White Picket Fences was written and recorded back in the summer of 2001, in a basement of a friend’s house in Kennesaw, Georgia. Jeff and I had a friend at church that got married fairly recently. This couple was a happy one. They dreamed of a life together. Of white picket fences, as Jeff was fond of calling it.

The bitter part of the story is that, way before his wedding day, he knew that his soon-to-be-wife will be dying of cancer at some point in the near future. To make a long story short, we wrote this song the day after attending her funeral.

Funny how, at times, I find myself dreaming of white picket fences myself. And, it almost came true, in fact.

Almost.

All is quiet

| Chris

Happy new year, everybody. I’m grateful to be kept in good company by fellow bloggers like you, during these past few months. Now, I look forward to an even more meaningful interaction this year.

Meanwhile, I’d like to start us all with a little vintage U2 action, if I may. This video (and song) may not be the most uplifting pick for the occasion, I know; yet the snow and the deafening silence couldn’t make it any more real and honest, in my case. Though, more importantly, it ROCKS!

Today is, indeed, very different from the firecracker noise and smoke-filled skies, I’m so used to. No doubt about it, all is quiet on new year’s day. At least, in my neck of the woods, it is.

However, not to burst Bono’s bubble… some things do change, apparently.