song

Let’s dance, shall we?

| Chris

Having chipped in a good amount of ridicule to love songs on yesterday’s post, it dawned on me… hey, wasn’t I also guilty of contributing to an already saturated pool of mushy cornballs myself?

Uhm, Just a little bit, actually.

Okay, wait. So, you probably think I’m just now wallowing in my emotional mud again, don’t you?

Actually, I just happen to like this song a lot. Really. I just want you to hear it. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever attempted to write something with a slight country twang to it. Yeehaw! After all, she’s from sweet home Alabama. So, I had to at least try! But since I can’t yodel without breaking out a pee-in-my-pants laugh, so much for it being a real country tune.

Uh, what in the world am I talking about, you asked? For some of you who haven’t read my previous posts and have no clue whatsoever… it’s a song I wrote and recorded for my wedding day. Some four and a half years ago. I actually wrote about five songs that were played during the ceremony itself. And this particular one is the song we danced to at the reception. (Deb, please don’t kill me if you ever read this.)

Awwwww, how romantic!!!!

We’re divorced now. Sorry to bust your bubble.

But hey, it’s still a legitimate song, I think. My friend in Atlanta was even begging me to let him use this song for his own wedding. What? Me? Pimp my song? Sorry pal, not unless I get royalties.

Anyhow, I wrote it in the tradition of Hotel California, since I’m such a big Eagles fan. It’s about as country as I can get as well, I’m afraid. But it doesn’t sound like HC at all (although, I must admit, a tad similar to another song of theirs, hee hee! See if you can tell). However, it does have that long guitar solo (my futile attempt at faking a pedal steel guitar) in the end that’s suppose to be the signal for everyone to join in the dance. Ha! See, I planned this all out in perfect timing!

I’m not used to writing sappy love songs, though. In fact, I try to stay away from it as much as possible. But obviously, this time, the job called for it. So I had to deliver.  But don’t get any ideas. I really meant the lyrics, okay? I still do, in fact. Sniff, sniff…

But allow me to send out a warning… this is for first-time saps only. No romantic pros please. Think shaky, sweaty nerd approaching gorgeous babe with hair moving in slo-mo!

Next time, I’ll share the song I composed for the bridal procession. You’ll be blown away that I timed it precisely, in sync with bride and dad arriving at the front of the altar right when the minister says… Who gives this woman… blah blah blah. At that moment, the song goes into a short whispering break. And then it goes back to a crescendo and finishes right when we finally arrive at the altar. Pardon me, I’m just so easily amused! Ha! 🙂

But in the meantime… let’s dance, shall we?

First Dance

When I was younger than yesterday
I used to smile on my own
And then I prayed to my God one day
To show me that I’m not alone

Did my dreams just die, my water dry
As the music began to play
Then I saw you there, an angel I swear
And I had just one thing to say

Let me have this dance, my very first dance
My crown, my honor, and my romance
Let me have this dance, my very first dance
As I sing this song to you

Seems like it was only yesterday
That you and I walked down the beach
I gazed at the stars oh so far away
As my prayer proved they’re not out of reach

And so my story goes, the proof it shows
No mountain our love cannot climb
So here we are today, our special day
Please let me ask you one last time

Let me have this dance, my very first dance
My crown, my honor, and my romance
Let me have this dance, my very first dance
As I sing this song to you

I will come to you, there is only you
You’re my dream come true
I’ll take you away till we’re old and gray
Let me hear you say

Let me have this dance, our very first dance
My crown, my honor, and my romance
Let me have this dance, our very first dance
My joy, my laughter, my love at first glance
Let me have this dance, our very first dance
My crown, my honor, and my romance
Let me have this dance, our very first dance
As I sing this song to you

As I sing… my love

Ooh… my love…

Where death is life

| Chris

Nothing feels better to me than sitting on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate while looking out the window watching as the snow falls to the ground. This is the life! This is one of those extraordinary moments I look up to the foggy white skies and stare. And know that God is staring back at me. I think we both love the snow. I can just tell.

It’s a wonderful feeling.

At this time, I turn off the TV and listen to some shuffled music while surfing on the web. Soon, one of my songs starts to play. A very old song from around ten years ago. This, suddenly has aroused my memories of the first time I had experienced getting high on God. I treasure those times because they were very poignant and sincere. Very child-like.

Not that it isn’t that way anymore, however. But back then, I was constantly writing songs about being in awe of all the elements of my faith. And how it truly transformed my life into a very meaningful and purposeful one. And also, how it gave me the strength to walk the seemingly endless desert I’ve been dwelling in these past few years.

It’s amazing to me though, that I thought of snow the day I wrote this song. Like I imagined it being sung up in the clouds. After all, this song speaks of heaven. Now it really blends well listening to it on a snowy, wintry day. It just blows my mind that I wrote this song in the heat of summer in Los Angeles back in 1997. Maybe, that’s why I’m not there anymore. I don’t know.

Anyhow, I feel grateful. This song is a wall to lean on to right now. It’s where water turns to wine. It’s where tears turn into laughter. It’s where death turns into life… tonight tomorrow and forever.

Share in my joy, will you?

Tonight Tomorrow and Forerver

Into the deepest part of me
You dive into my conscience
You knit the fabric of my soul
My heart turns into clay
Though you smash it into pieces
When it gets too hard to shape
You tear my world apart
And bring me to a brand new place

Where death is life
Where laughter is the tears I cried
Where pain brings comfort tonight

I’m standing underneath the moonlight
Gazing up into your house
I try to reach out my hands to touch you
Just wanting to feel your warmth
When I get so lost inside my own little thoughts
You reach out your hands and grab me
I close my eyes but there’s no darkness
Your light shines bright, I can see my way back home

Where death is life
Where laughter is the tears I cried
Where pain brings comfort tonight

Tonight, tomorrow and forever
Tomorrow and forever
Tonight, tomorrow  and forever
Yeah, I wanna be with you

Where death is life
Where laughter is the tears I cried
Where pain brings comfort tonight

Yeah, I wanna be with you

Where death is life
Where laughter is the tears I cried
Where pain brings comfort tonight

Tonight, tomorrow and forever

Jagged little guilt pill

| Chris

There was this database file that I trashed months ago. It contained blog entries that go all the way back to oh, let’s see… ’02, ’03 maybe. That’s when I was still hosting the blog myself (uh, I’m glad those days are over). I believe it had some rantings on a topic about a song I was writing at that time. I was really emotional about it from what I can remember. I wish I could’ve preserved them. Well, shame on me, Mr. delete happy!!!

Regarding the song, I didn’t finish it until sometime last year. It’s now on the compilation A Dark in the Light (geez, this thing is really getting quite a bit of attention lately, haven’t you noticed?). So, what’s the song called? Why, you guessed it… Shame on Me. I haven’t heard it in a while but I listened to it today, just because I like the song. And unexpectedly, it brought tears to my eyes. It brought me back in time.

Talk about sheer vulnerability. I really exposed my heart and soul on this one. Didn’t mince a word at all. And it’s the only song that took me almost four years to write. Yep. A jagged little guilt pill that took time for me to swallow. But I had to move on so, guess what? Gulp!

And still gulping today, to be honest.

The story of the song deals with my Christianity. And how I somehow misused and abused it. In the name of God even. Ha! I can somehow laugh at my foolishness now but it was something that almost killed me spiritually during those days when my eyes were first opened. In this song, I speak to six people. At least. None of them knew each other, I don’t think. We were friends. Buddies. Supposedly. At different times and places. But I guess I was an expert more on the rules and regulations back then than the simpler things in life like compassion, understanding and tolerance.

I really wish I could see them again and ask for forgiveness. I have no idea where they are now. All I know is that, at least, three of them walked away and disappeared for good. And one of them has died in an accident. That was when I knew I had to finish this song or I would lose my mind.

In a nutshell, this song is a plea for forgiveness.

But if I have to tell the whole story, I’d be sitting here for days. So, I’ll let you listen to the song instead.

Don’t just hear, though… listen.

Shame on Me

Shame on me
For trying to build a fence around eternity
Shame on me
For suffocating and stifling your ability
And all the pride I’ve shown
The stories overblown infuse the pain

Shame on me
For plundering your only source of sanity
Shame on me
For walking down the road that only leads to me
And everyone I left behind
The trail of shadows’ all you find, it stabs my soul
And every time I see your eyes
They penetrate into my guise

I’m losing all the love I had to give
I’m leaving all the life I hoped to live
I’m seeing another side of me
In the mirror, it’s getting clearer
Shame on me

The blame’s on me
For being the judge instead of your defender
Yeah, blame it on me
For counting all the days till you surrender
And every time you earn a prize
It never seizes to surprise

I’m losing all the love I had to give
I’m leaving all the life I hoped to live
I’m seeing another side of me
In the mirror, it’s getting clearer
Blame it on me

I need your water
I stole your life, it’s unfair
I need your water
You can take my blood, if you care
But I need your water
To quench the thirst of despair

Shame on me
For when I took away your independence
Shame, shame on me
For all the times I doubted your repentance
And every time you’re left alone
My conscience turned to stone, so

I’m losing all the love I had to give
I’m leaving all the life I hoped to live
I’m seeing another side of me
In the mirror, it’s getting clearer
It’s clear now that

I’m losing the wealth I’ll never find again
I’m leaving the only place I wish I’ve been
I’m seeing a different kind of me
In the mirror, it’s getting clearer
Shame on me

—————
To Ricky, Nick, Myles, Will, Dustin (RIP) and JC.