random thoughts

See me, feel me

| Chris

Face Dances

Like my face dances?

I read an amusing article on Slate the other day regarding our choices for web head shots and what they say about us. I must admit I’m one to lean towards the coolness of a heavily-altered photo, for art’s sake (oh, sure!), more than a macro-shot of my gritty, unshaven, camera flash-tainted mugshot. Maybe it’s just me, I don’t know. But don’t we all seem have some kind of insecurity towards how we think people see us? Not just in photographs, perhaps, but through our gestures, attitudes, or even the words we write to express ourselves?

How many of us want to be seen in the morning when we’ve just gotten right out of bed, for instance? It really is rare in an insecure world that someone would be willing to show himself for who he truly is. Heck, he doesn’t even want to know himself, a lot of times. Alas, we will all have come and gone and all we’ll ever know of this world and its people is its boundless mysticism. And such is life, I guess.

Anyhow, I checked out this website the Slate author went to alter his photo at, just for kicks. And here are some of the choices I got on how I may have looked like in different circumstances. Whooooo are yooooo…

I kinda liked the manga cartoon version of me. It also combed my hair a bit so that was nice.

So… Can you see the real me? Doctor!!! Doctor!!!!!

Okay, I have to go. I’m getting distracted now. Probably because The Who is being featured on VH1 Rock Honors in a few minutes. Can’t miss it.

Friday the 4th

| Chris

It’s not nearly as scary sounding as Friday the 13th, is it? In fact, for all Americans, this day is a symbol of freedom. A day to rejoice. A time for celebration. A time for reflection. A time to remember how lucky we are to be a part of this blessed country.

Yet, a lot of us do not feel free in so many ways, now do we? How could we? We are stuck in a war. We fear for our national safety. We fear for our health. Gas prices are keeping us awake at night. We’re losing our homes and our jobs. We’re slaves to our debts. And we’re slaves to our doubts. And these, just to name a few. I don’t know about you, but It’s definitely more scary than happy to me.

A week ago, I was with some friends and I couldn’t resist the temptation to share with them the good news that I am now totally debt-free. You should’ve seen everyone’s jaw drop. One of them cracked a joke and said that because of this, I am now being un-American. As if I no longer relate to normal society. That was when I realized the fact that freedom isn’t normal. It’s not an everyday thing. In fact, it is rare.

I had a recent conversation with another friend. She was telling me how joyful she is but at the same time, struggling to find herself. As if she does not know who she is inside. Too many questions, not enough answers, I guess. Fear and loneliness. More reasons to dodge freedom.

Another friend of mine at work was telling me how emptiness just fills her heart all the time. Now, I can sympathize with her having been divorced fairly recently. However, I refuse to be a slave to emptiness. I believe that emptiness is overrated. Loneliness is overrated. Like an overweight person too lazy to get up and exercise, it’s all a decision, really. You do or you don’t. What’s it gonna be?

Friday the 4th In my life, I have known people who are lonely and fearful and empty. They stay that way a long time because they don’t do much about it. In the end, I have learned that sometimes, these places are a safe haven for them. These places, though unhealthy, are what’s familiar and comfortable. It’s all they know. I have learned this because I’ve been there myself. Where Heaven is a faraway land. Love and forgiveness are a foreign concept. Integrity and self-confidence are non-existent. Freedom is a scary proposition. And bravery is something you see in the movies.

Have you ever been so critical that you fail to see the good? Is your glass half empty or half full? Yeah yeah yeah, it’s cliche, I know.

Well, here it is… the Day of Independence, in America anyway. We’re gonna fire up the grill and barbecue to our heart’s content. We’re gonna watch the fireworks and be proud that we belong in this so-called land of the free and home of the brave. What’s your plan? Me, I’m gonna be people watching (while gnawing on my pork ribs, of course). I’m gonna be hangin’ out with friends and strangers alike. Hangin’ out with the free and the brave, if you will.

This could be scary, indeed. Wish me luck.

Daydreaming again

| Chris

This morning, I sat on my chair and stared at the ceiling while listening to the sound of my clothes dryer spin like a guitar tremolo being whacked out of control. Not a very productive time, perhaps. But I worked hard all week so, I guess, I deserve this time to daydream a little.

Yeah, you know… sometimes, I do that. Sometimes I find myself wishing for stuff. Wishing for no reason. Just passing time, really.

Sometimes, I wish for the impossible to be possible. Sometimes I wish for the ridiculous to make perfect sense. Sometimes, I wish for mountains to move. Just for giggles.

Right now, I wish…

  1. that passwords didn’t exist
  2. that everyone had x-ray minds
  3. that locks were a thing of the past
  4. that currency was a myth
  5. that peace was a fruit from a four-foot tree, available anywhere, all year round
  6. that breathing air causes a big belly laugh and/or a sincere smile
  7. that a job means cooking a meal for the whole neighborhood
  8. that we paid our energy bills to the sun
  9. that there was an “International Anthem” (with a tasty guitar solo break in the middle, of course)
  10. that Jimmy Page would kindly donate one of his Gibson Les Paul to me (Is that too much to ask, btw?).

But alas, this ain’t the Garden of Eden, is it?

K, time to fold my clothes.

We are we are…

| Chris

… the Saints of Los Angeles!

I know I used to be.

By the way, I just saw Motley Crue on Larry King an hour ago. Wow, that brought me back in time… back to the gutters of Sunset Strip. Good to know the boys are back in town doing what they do best… kickin’ teeth!

And that new song? Man, that got my foot stomping hard while doing my best air guitar in a long time. I love a good rock and roll anthem, I tell ya.

But the big news for me is seeing Tommy’s new kick drum. I thought, what in the world…

You gotta give it to the guy, though. He’s really good at topping himself every time.

Anyhow, ‘scuse me while I slip on the headphones.

Just one little trout would be nice

| Chris

I can’t remember the last time I had gone fishing. I must’ve been eight or nine. I’ve been dying to go out but didn’t want to embarrass myself by going it along. So yesterday afternoon, a couple of my fishing expert friends and I went out to a nearby State Park and sat by the lake for a few hours with our Ugly Stiks. I was being patient for a trout to take my nice little bait so I could have it for dinner. Well, they definitely enjoyed the tasty goo I stuck at the end of my line but they seem to be a little too smart to stay hooked long enough for me to reel them in. It got a bit frustrating I had to put my pole down at some point and shoot some pictures instead. Overall, it was a nice, quiet and peaceful evening even though we came back home with a box of pizza in tow.

Anyhow, here are some photos I took of the trip…

We arrived at the lake around 5pm. Sweet!

Wait, look what I found…

By crikey! I found me a beauty, mate! Actually, I was kinda freaked out since I came a little too close to get a close-up shot. I’m used to viewing snakes only through very thick windows.

Ok, time to get serious… says George and Mark, my fishing gurus.

It’s getting late and everybody’s leaving so we got this place all to ourselves.

Excuse me, I got distracted by the breathtaking views.

Before you know it, it’s getting dark and it’s time to head on out.

Wait, one last shot before the sun disappears.

Well, no seafood dinner for me… but it was fun, nonetheless.

Until next time…

Owe no!

| Chris

Oh yeah!

I am debt-free, at last. Today, actually. That’s a year and a half ahead of schedule. So, am I disciplined or what? Well, I paid off every single penny I owed during the last five or so years, and I am feeling so good, right now. But more importantly, I’m also determined not to put myself in that situation, ever again. And that’s a firm promise.

Goodbye slavery. Hello freedom!

Now, time for a beer!

It’s ME time once again

| Chris

My friend Selma did hers and now, it’s my turn. This is always fun for me… and a good excuse to post something when the mind is temporarily blank.

————

What were you doing ten years ago today?
I had to look this one up to be sure. It may not be exactly today but the weekend at the end of May 1998 was Memorial Day weekend and I was camping with friends somewhere in Northern California. My WordPress avatar, as a matter of fact, was from a picture taken at that same time.

5 things on today’s ‘to do’ list…
I just came back from a week-long business trip, so I would have to say… nothing, nothing, post this blog, watch TV and nothing.

5 Things I’d Do If I Was A Billionaire…
Let’s just say I have exactly one billion dollars in cash. Here’s how I would manage it:

First day, I’d take half a million with me and shop for musical gear to my heart’s content. Second day, I’d buy a small house with a nice size basement and have all the gear delivered straight to the basement. Third day, I’d go to the bank and split the rest of the money into two accounts. About fifty million in my savings (that should be overly plenty). The rest will be used for family, friends, charities and all future Santa Claus adventures.

Fourth day, I’d better get back to work already. I love what I do too much, I can’t afford to get fired!

5 bad habits…
Not only is this one bad, but weird to the max, as well – I don’t like being on the telephone. Hence, I do not call anyone unless it’s a life and death situation. And when you call me, either I talk to you for a few seconds or just call you back later. If you leave an entertaining message, that is.

That alone is worth 5 five bad habits, I believe. If not more.

5 places I’ve lived…
Manila, Philippines
San Francisco, CA metro
Los Angeles, CA metro
Atlanta, GA metro
Cheyenne, WY

5 jobs I’ve had…
Besides gigging as a musician?

Courier
Architectural draftsman
Construction help
Web designer/developer
Graphic/Multimedia designer

————

So, that’s it! Go ahead and do yours, if you want. But I’d like to tag Mike, specifically, for this one. You can never know enough about someone. Not even your best friend, in fact.

Bullet my blue sky

| Chris

I’ve been anywhere but here, have I not? I know. But let’s move on, shall we?

Sometimes life can be so slow. Sometimes it passes you by like a bullet, you don’t even know it’s there until it hits something. And then, a moment later you again realize… Whew! It could’ve been you that was hit, but you got lucky perhaps. And then, once again your eyes open… that bullet really may have been meant for you but, for some reason, it missed.

The past three days have been pretty scary for us here in our little town of Cheyenne. We have had tornado warnings after tornado warnings and have spent quite a substantial amount of time in the basement parking lot trying to keep safe instead of working on projects that needed to be finished yesterday. Thank God, we’re still here though. But some folks just a few miles from us in Colorado weren’t so lucky.

I’ve always dreamed of going to China. I could’ve gone anytime. Even now. Then one morning I wake up to read of the devastaion that had occured and the unimaginable amount of casualties. I could’ve been there. I could’ve been one of them.

Life is a moving picture, isn’t it? It changes from one moment to another. Without notice. Sometimes we’re obscure spectators and sometimes we’re the stars of the show. But there is always one constant. Spiritual bullets. They are always cluttering our blue skies like unseen demons roaming back and forth, preying on unsuspecting strangers. But they move so fast we think everything’s fine. Though, it’s just a matter of time until it’s our turn to get hit.

A lot of times though, I see myself dodging unseen bullets that I miss life itself. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy my life. It’s just that every now and then, I can’t help but be overwhelmed with fear. For different reasons. I never thought that my divorce was a possibility until it happened, you know. Now, it seems like it’s just a matter of time until another bullet would hit. Would it be small, like those that have hit me many times before? Or, would it be a big fat one that I may not survive it, this time around?

I thirst for peace. But peace can sometimes be elusive. However, just like the bullets, it also roams around looking for unsuspecting strangers to comfort. It’s in the air. And I look for it constantly. And as I do, I realize that I am alive. Lucky, perhaps. Blessed, for sure. It’s a fact, that no matter how many bullets may hit, still life goes on. Forever, really.

This thought reminded me, not of U2’s political song (as this post’s title may have suggested), but of one of my favorite bands of the last 10 years. I just had to play this song today, as it really helps to keep my hopes alive. Not to mention, rock my socks off… on a dismal Sunday! After all, it’s freakin’ 62 degrees outside and I’m sweating like a pig, already!

Anyhow, without further ado, here’s P.O.D with… Alive!

Songs about Heaven, part 4 (Over Yonder)

| Chris

I’ve been away for a couple of weeks on travel. It was nice to just be out of the office for awhile and not to be at my desk. It was good to drive away somewhere and be far from everything. Even if it was all about work still.

But what’s more interesting is that I was able to finally see the gorgeous mountains of north Wyoming and south Montana; and experience the beauty of this part of the Rockies, for the first time.

My mouth was open; simply stunned and made speechless by what I have seen. Mind blowing terrains, towering boulders, tunnel passes under the mountain, long and winding roads, buffaloes, hot springs. Even ghost towns that looked like scenes from a spaghetti western. You name it, I saw it. The big bummer is that I forgot to bring a camera. I didn’t think I’d be passing through scenic routes after scenic routes.

So just trust me when I say I’ve seen a corner of heaven. Where the angels wore boots. I really have! It may be a bit of a drive but from where I live, it’s just ’round the bend! Over yonder… if you will.

Oh, by the way, it’s good to be home. Or should I say, it’s good to find it.

Yonder

I’m incomplete until we meet
When it’s over
Seems so far away from yesterday
Now it’s closer

Light shining at the end of the tunnel, I believe
To help me find my way, way back home today

There’s a house over yonder
Never lost, never wander again
Knock on the door, step inside, walk on the floor
Here in the house over yonder

You don’t have to know, just let it go
Free your mind, heart and soul
Go fly away, yet learn to stay
When you hear the voices say

Light shining at the end of the tunnel, do you believe
To help you find your way, your way back home today

There’s a house over yonder
Never lost, never wander again
Knock on the door, step inside, walk on the floor
Here in the house over yonder

How many times we miss our chances
And when we close our eyes
How much more before we die

There’s a house over yonder
Never lost, never wander again
Knock on the door, step inside, walk on the floor
Here in the house over yonder

©2004 Chris Alma Jose

And here’s the video…